i don't know what to write,every time i try to make my brain works,infortunately he failed to express my emosions and feelings at that moment.asking my self why i am using a foreing language to express so deepe and unknown thing like emosssions.iknow i dont have arabic letters in my keyboard,and i want fortunately to express my feeling with an other language,also i dont want my familly to know about these feeling.........
frankly, i missed you so much to day  i dreamed about  you when i comeback home from work.i dont want those feelings i dont want to express my love for you i am feeling achamed from this nostalgy to you and this desire to sea you  again, iam achamed from my god ,because you are married again with an other woman;i feeel like i dont have the right to say these words.the last day when you visited us in that rainy day i became so sure that you had really a trully emosions for me and now you still in love with me;i became happier than any time in my life;i really enjoyed this feelings for the first time in my life cince a long time.what can i say those stupide feelings make me feeel weak,without purpose in my life,make me feels you every day in my last 5years,make me hates any man on this ground.but,now you are married just tell me this what can i do????
i know you are soooooo far from  me.i feel you ,or iam seeing you with your wife and your children.i dont know in that moment if you asked your self about me,or just i crossed your mind in any moment of these moments when i do wask the universe about you and AD3I my GOD just for you, not for me or for my mother or my father or sisters or brohes;just for you i keep AL DO3A2.GOD bless you and help you.w allah
ya7meeek min kol char.
why do i loved,and i still loving you?i dont knowwwwwww.
i remembered you the first time you saw me.
i remembred the stars in your eyes.
i remebred teh way you saw me.
i remaembred the way you hide your self from me;
i remembred when you asked my father to married me.
i remembred when i hided my joyfull face from my familly ,when i denied that iknew it.i was forbidden from loving you and expressing my happiness bout you. i dont know that you propesed to me
i dont know it.i knew it just by accident, and i was not permitted to say YES it was a betrayel to my father, mother and my familly.because girls in my age they did not married i chould be like them unmarried; unfortunatelly,thy willbe married .but me not.
do you sea.itis so complicated;t seems tome like i looks loke a helpless girl and cowred without courage.
simply i love my mother
just now chez likes you.just now my father likes you.

but just after what.you bbelongs now to an other woman
but i still loving you because the first stars i saw themin your eyses the belongs to me and they still belongs tome and fo ever.
PS i know these lines are mine and you could not read them and you will not........but who konws?
i can not write your name or letters from it so will never find out that i love you so much.
thank you GOD for these words and his love.
iam gonna tosleepnow.